There is a very fine line you walk, being a Classic Rock fan. In my experience, when you tell somebody you’re a fan of classic rock, there are two main things that people picture you to be. The first is the hick; the backwater, immature moron who goes cow tipping, listens to Lynyrd Skynyrd, and probably drives around with a confederate flag on the grill their pickup truck. The second is the flighty hipster, the one who will listen to Zeppelin, but only if it’s a rare, lost B-side, and thinks that London Calling is an overrated album, but that the Clash’s earlier, non-recorded stuff, was when they were really great. Or so they’ve heard. These are the two fates I find myself frantically trying to choose between, when somebody asks me what kind of music I listen to, if on that particular day I feel like the answer should be Classic Rock.
It’s an impossible question to begin with, as every music lover knows. “What kind of music do you listen to?” is the sort of trap where you might as well be saying, “tell me the one genre you listen to the most, and then I will proceed to judge your entire existence based on the answer.” I am the first to admit that I am a huge offender in this department. It’s probably the third question I’ll demand to know of someone, after their name and “what’s up?” I’ve discovered over the years that I’m not even looking for a genre, I’m looking for examples. Every time somebody answers the question “what kind of music do you listen to?” with a genre, I ask for further clarification anyway, which tells me that my original question probably should have been to ask for their favourite artists or songs.
I met a girl named Millie on Saturday night, the new girlfriend of a friend. Clearly she had to be grilled within an inch of her life. The music question came third, just like it usually does. Millie answered the way any normal person would, with what was probably the truth for her. Poor, unsuspecting Millie, unaware that she was opening herself up to so much judgement with just a simple answer. But Millie, she was asking for it; a tattoo of a cassette tape slashed across her forearm was declaring permanently and publicly that she was into music. I had to know, did her tattoo symbolize her unending love for Nickleback, for Air Supply, for Carrie Underwood? Millie eventually replied, with no small uncertainty, that she liked “classic rock” the most. You remember that person I mentioned a few paragraphs ago, that judgey, snobby person who thinks in dichotomies and frightens me to death when I’m the one giving the answers? Confession time: that person is me.
Instantly, several generalizations about Millie exploded into my brain. This tiny, curly-haired, polite little girl (she wasn’t a little girl, actually, but she was younger than I am, so I reserve the right to call everyone who’s younger than, let’s say, 25, a little girl) was clearly a Beatles lover, probably bought a cheap acoustic guitar at the age of thirteen or so, so that she could learn to play “Blackbird”. She probably thought vinyl was cooler than anything else, but she couldn’t tell you why she liked the sound better, and she didn’t really have any herself, aside from an old copy of Supertramp’s “Breakfast in America”. In my head, she was instantly in the hipster category, sipping her tea on her Sundays off, writing in a book of lyrics that she planned to someday write into songs. This was now who Millie was, to me, in an instant.
None of those things are true about Millie. Or maybe they all are. The point of it is, I have no idea who Millie is. And it is ridiculous of me to assume that I do. All of this happened in my head, in a split second. Not okay, Virginia, and definitely the opposite of cool. So I shoved it all away, and asked the question I wanted to know in the first place, “Oh, really? Which bands do you like?” It turns out, Millie really likes Elvis, is a psychology major, and has a really sweet singing voice. It also turns out that you’ll get much further asking questions, clarifying, and listening to answers than it does assuming.
When you ask the question “what kind of music do you listen to?”, something you’ll discover is that 85% of all people living on this earth will answer with a variation of, “oh, I listen to everything.” What’s worse is that it’s probably true. It’s very rare to discover somebody who never strays from one genre of music. It’s probably not even possible, the nature of music being what it is, songs grabbing influences wherever they feel like it. Music isn’t often black and white when it comes to fitting into genres, and neither are the listeners. Continuing this blog post’s running theme of “hypocrisy”, I give the “everything” answer all the time. It’s a safe answer, it’s shields you from that snap judgement. What I’ve discovered over the years of using that answer is that not too many people push me to elaborate. I’m sort of disappointed about this. Not at the time, mind you, because that would mean I’d actually have to come up with some answers, but in retrospect. Do I want people to be more curious about the musical tastes of others in theory, but not in practice? No, I want people to be more curious about the musical tastes of others, period, rather than being preoccupied with what those musical tastes say about that person.
I’m envisioning a Cosmo quiz. It’s called “what musical genre are you?!”, and it’s got questions like, “It’s your day off! What would you rather be doing: a) line dancing at a rodeo, b) having a Twilight movie marathon, c) playing in the world series of poker, or d) lying in a field, staring up at the sky, finding pictures in the clouds. You chose mostly Ds: You Are Soft Indie Rock!” Assuming things about the personality of somebody based on their favourite music is just as ridiculous as that sounds (although, I’m going to try and sell it to Cosmo. It’s worth a shot).
I’ve decided that it’s going to be my new resolution to heed the Musical Golden Rule: Judge Not Others By What Music They Say They Listen To, Lest You Would Have Them Judge Unto You (or something). In the meantime, I’m going to compile a list of genre-spanning bands that I like the most, and memorize them for easy access. In case I ever run into me.
